Praise Jesus! He is alive! He is present! He will never turn His back on His sheep, even when we are lost and gone astray from His holiness.
I’ve been addicted to Meth for 20 years, lost custody of 3 of my children and tried quitting on my own way too many times. Two years ago, I noticed I was beginning to behave strangely when I would get on one. I started to think of God when I was high, it became my obsession and I would stay up for nights just reading the Holy Bible for hours at a time and online research everything I could about Jesus and Recovery. I would have this overbearing desire to attend church while I was using. I would upset my boyfriend when doing this, he felt I was dishonoring God or being a hypocrite. It wasn’t that I purposely or personally wanted to do these things, it was something in me moving me to do this.
Soon after I found a church and started healing and growing and understanding more clearly. I started moving slowly away from the drug and one day I received the Holy Ghost and was speaking in tongues! For the next 2 years God was moving in my life and working in me like never before. I noticed the blessings and healing in my life. I would pray and he would answer! I was still backsliding and occasionally using but I never gave up on God. I would pray for recovery constantly and breakdown in tears right after I would take that first hit. Telling God out loud how sorry I was and how helpless I felt over this drug. I would beg Him to please free me from this hell I was living and break the bondage Satan had over me.
One night after hooking up and being up for several days, I was tired, sick, and in despair. I sat outside in the dark of night with a pipe in one hand and a bag of dope in the other. I looked up into the dark sky and thought this lifestyle is slowly destroying my soul. I had no doubt in my mind that I was about to experience a final blow that might very well be my death if I didn’t stop using. I remember telling God out loud “What’s matter with me? Am I just too good at being bad that I can’t be saved? Why am I still using? Why haven’t you helped me? I know you hear my cries and see my tears. God I can’t do this!!! I give up!! I have no more to left in me!! LORD YOU NEED TO COME GET ME NOW FROM THIS PIT OF HELL CUZ I CAN’T FIND A WAY OUT!!! ALL I SEE IS DEATH AND DARKNESS AROUND ME AND I FEEL THE ENEMY’S PRESENCE!! PLEASE SAVE ME!! YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER FORSAKE ME..YOU SAID “If I abide in You, and your words abide in me, ask whatever i wish, and it
will be done for ME”. I BELIEVE IN YOUR PROMISE.
I got baptized in Jesus Name September 13, 2011.When I became born again, I became a new creation sealed by the Holy Spirit. I learned that because of whom I had spiritually become, that all this power and authority was latent within me. I had the promise of God that He had already delivered me. I had already won the battle. I already had the victory. Jesus died to take away our sins. My addiction no longer existed. It was crucified with Christ. It no longer had power over me; I had power over it because I was delivered already by the blood of the Lamb! I changed the way I prayed. Instead of asking for healing and deliverance, I began thanking God for having already healed and delivered me. I came to a point of realization that I had claimed the victory Christ had won for me. When this truth hit my spirit, I was delivered!! I raised my hands in the air and began to shout and dance, and praised Jesus for the victory, tears running down my face. This was the most exhilarating and peaceful experience I’ve had. Until I let it slip away.
After 8 months of sobriety I backslid and used. It wasn’t because I was overcome by temptation or had cravings, no it was my own rebellious spirit that led me to dishonor God and fall into my sin. It was because I wanted to, period. So I did. But I was fearful and anticipated some kind of punishment for disobeying His word. Oddly enough, it never happened. Instead God continued to bless me in my life. It was his Grace that brought me to repent and love Him more and brought me closer to Him. God used my sin to convict me. He taught me about self-righteousness and how it was one of the most hated of sins. To be Trusting in Oneself for Righteousness instead of putting my complete faith in God is what I was practicing. It was a temporary work of the flesh, not spirit led, that is not blessed by God and will not last forever.
Since my backslid, I have 3 months clean!!! Starting over and praising God for taking my sin and making good from it. I feel His presence everyday as He guides me through the Holy Spirit living within me. He has changed who I used to be and He’s not finished with me just yet. He will continue to reveal to me exactly everything I need to know to live a godliness life, one that is God-fearing, obedient, and according to His will.
It wasn’t by chance you are reading this, No matter what it is we are dealing with; through Christ we already have the victory. When He comes to live in us, He brings our victory with Him. It then becomes our responsibility, to get it out! Christ did His job! Now it’s our turn! If you have not accepted Jesus into your life, accept Him in your heart and ask Him to forgive you for all your sins up until this moment. Accept Jesus as your Savior, right now!!
God bless the person reading this and grant them salvation!