My dear Brothers and Sisters: When I came to know the LORD 24 years ago, I remember the first 6 years I was just on fire for the LORD and filled with HIS SPIRIT. It is almost like the honeymoon phase as we are just getting to know about our LORD. But, there comes a time when the LORD wants us to get of the milk of the word and start eating the meat of the word. Now, this is where we will be faced with every lie and attack of the enemy of our souls. This is a spiritual war that we are in. We don’t fight against flesh and blood, we are fighting against spiritual powers and wickedness in high places. It all started in 1994, when my mother came down with cancer! When my mother died, my life took a nose dive so to speak. I was attacked in my spirit and in my physical body from that point forward The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy and that is exactly what he tried to do in my life for years. He destroyed my health, my marriage and tried to steal my relationship to my LORD. The LORD in the past 3 and half years has been truly bringing me through the fires so that HE could do the work that HE began in me since 1988. I have had 17 surgeries in my lifetime. I have experience a life of torment in many areas of my life. I was put on drugs for pain since 1992, then when the oral drugs no longer were effective to help with the pain, they surgically put an intrathecal morphine pump in my side. I was on morphine, and dilaudid from 2000 to 2010. My deliverance & healing came when the LORD taught me many things about the demonic realm of things and how if we do not repent of sins and keep sins of unforgiveness, bitterness, jealousy/envy, rejection, etc in our hearts, this opens doorways for the tormentors to legally have right to keep us bound. I then came to know about the deliverance ministry the LORD sent my way. I learned much from the LORD and by HIS HOLY SPIRIT. I would read my Bible all those years and would pray, but never able to over come. It was a very dark time in my life. I was in so much fear and unforgiveness towards those who rejected me and hurt me. One of them was my husband. You see for years because of failed back surgeries I was laid up in bed most of the time because of pain and depression. My husband in the year 2001 decided he would have an affair. I did not know about this until the end of 2002. I had some suspicion, but never knew until 2002. I forgave him and things seemed fine for a while but he never stopped seeing this women. Well to make a long story short. I at the time am disabled and unable to support myself, so my son and his family took me in. I lived with them for 7 years. We ended moving to Texas in April of 2003. My son was being deployed to Iraq at the time so this is why we left Maine to move to Texas. I continued in my life of a recluse and stayed pretty much in my room 24/7. I was dying inside spiritually and knowing the enemy and what he had done in my family tree, that he was trying to kill me physically. I had a sister who committed suicide at the age of 28 and a brother who died from contacting Aids from a dirty needle shooting up heroin, then my mother who was a very bitter woman died of Cancer at not even 54 years old. As we all know the wages of sin is death. In May of 2008, the LORD brought a deliverance ministry from E. Aurora, NY all the way to TX in our little house church. At the time my son was the pastor. At that point this is when all hell broke loose in my life. I was confronted with everything from my past life being led by the HOLY SPIRIT the LORD knew what I had to deal with in my heart before the demons that were tormenting me would have to leave. The LORD began HIS greatest work in me from that point on. HE took me back to many things that I just pushed down, but when the HOLY SPIRIT brought in to my attention in my spirit, I could see every thing vividly in my mind. It was then that I needed to with godly sorrow repent and forgive so many people in my life that was keeping me bound. I had to first forgive myself. That was the most difficult part for me, because I did not love Valerie at all. I felt no one else loved me so I must be unlovable. Well, for about 3 years I was getting free from those spirits that came in because I allowed it with my unforgiveness and sin. I continued to get deliverance on the phone with an accountability partner from NY. We would pray at least 4 times a week on the phone. One day, this dear sister said to me as we were praying, “Valerie do you have a mirror nearby?” I thought to myself, what an odd question to ask me. I told her yes and this is what she said to me. The HOLY SPIRIT is telling me in my spirit that HE wants you to look in that mirror and say to yourself, “I love you Valerie”, I immediately refused and said I can’t do that because I don’t love myself. Her response to me was this. “Valerie, this is not me telling you this, if you refuse then you are telling the HOLY SPIRIT no, not me! I immediately came under such conviction, that I knew I was dealing with GOD at this point. I right then dropped the phone on my bed and went to the mirror that was next to my bed. I looked in the mirror and hesitated saying I can’t do this LORD. Then this is what the SPIRIT of GOD spoke to me in my spirit. Valerie my dear daughter when you say you don’t love yourself, you are telling me that I did not know what I was doing when I created you. I began to cry and as I was crying, HE said to me, Valerie you were fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139, I knew you from the foundation of the world before you were ever conceived in your mother’s womb. I have created you for a purpose and I have great plans for your life. I then looked in that mirror and was able to say, Valerie I love you because my GOD created me. I fell to the floor on my knees crying and repenting and praising the LORD OF LORDS and KING OF KINGS JESUS CHRIST. I was there for at least 10 minutes. But my dear friends, it was from that moment on that the LORD began to change my heart in amazing ways. This was during the summer of 2009. HE still had a lot of work to do in my heart, but me loving myself had to be the starting point, because you see when we don’t love ourselves it is impossible to love others and to love GOD. I will share more at another time on how he delivered me from all drugs and has set this captive free. I can say now that my relationship with my GOD is where HE wants it to be, seeking HIM and HIM alone every moment of the day. HE did amazing things to deliver me from the drugs. I will share that next time if you would like to hear more. May JESUS bless you my dear brothers and sisters, HE loves us and wants to bring us through the fires, because it is in our suffering where HE does HIS greatest work. Then HE purifies us as pure gold. I love you dear friends in JESUS! 🙂
Guru Joseph is a Jesus-follower, Christian song-bird, and Bible word-lover. He aspires to craft words that are deep, impactful, beautiful Kingdom of God, and Christ-centered.
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